Wednesday, December 01, 2004

For some reason I spent a good hour last night thinking of individuals with whom I have had relationships with. Not so much to remember the relationship itself but more to help focus on events & times on a past I draw a complete blank on. Ever since my first attack I have a hard time recalling events, places or people. There has been more than a couple of occurrences where someone has come & started talking to me & they don't seem fimilar. They are total strangers to me. Scary in a way. So since women have been a big part of my life through the years, it might be a good place to start.

So right now I am searching through grad classes, old emails etc. Wish I had an old year book. My daughter's mom stole them when we broke up. Kind of petty if you ask me. Now sure what I will turn up with this search. Just hope I can remember who I was. Even though people still remind me I am not like I once was. More family oriented I'm told. Good figure.

I did head off to the local clinic the other day. Just to ask the dr. to run a test to check my dilantin levels. Can't or shouldn't really drive with all the seizure I have been having. Nice to have a clinic so close. Why is it a simple vist always turns into a huge deal? My o' my, he wanted to know everything about my situation. Understandable. However, when he started lecturing me on why a should & shouldn't be on without knowing what has been previous tried that is where I draw the line. I know the drill. Again a dr. couldn't get past the fact certain meds do not work for everyone. May work wonders statistically for most but there are the exceptions. I couldn't believe he ask me why I take the pills for pain? Guessing he has never had a cluster patient before. But I was polite & told him what he wanted to know. No big deal really. The 3rd degree brought me back to when I desparately begging for help and having my cries fall on deaf eyes. Used to get it, the 3rd degree that is, with every visit to anyplace I went about my headaches. Felt far more like an interogation. Funny thing was that I was repeatedly told they could "see how much pain I was in through my eyes". Well at least they acknowledged it somehow :)


Medical terminology can cause confusion at the best of times. If there is a word you do not understand all you have to do is double-click on it and the definition will appear! Don't forget to drop me a line by email at with your comments, questions‚ recommended resources‚ concerns‚ & especially your experiences with clusters. Or come find me on my Facebook Profile to add me as a Friend. Whether you are a supporter‚ care-giver or sufferer. I would love to hear from you!

*Please do not use this information for self diagnoses. Writing about my experiences with chronic cluster headaches & epilepsy is a good outlet for me. Consult your Dr. with any kind of headache or chronic pain you may have. The 3rd party links on my site I have found to be a good resource to me over the past few years & dearly hope they will benefit you as well.*

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