Lifestyle Change

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

I stayed up all night & haven't yet enjoyed my 40 winks. After 2 lousy weeks of clusters the cycle ended just a suddenly as it came on. I was overjoyed. However, less than 24 hours later I had another wave. 12 attacks in all yesterday. After they ended around 8pm I decided I'm not going to go to sleep. I would like to enjoy my waking hours for once. So here I am. Yet to sleep. I know I will pay for it later. But who cares. I'll get tortured regardless...

The night was nice. Cool. Calm. And no stress. It gave me a chance to think about what clusters have done to me. Now I'm short tempered, always on edge, ever-waiting for the next attack. I've lost friends & family. Missed opportunities. No chance of working till the pain is manageable and far less frequent. No spendable income. Stuck on government fed income. With increasely degrading situations that make me feel more like a cancer on society. No self-respect. No future, at least not the one that was going for me before the attacks started. I can't figure out what I can do. And no one else seems to know either. No matter what I try, the attacks are still too intense for me to,

Now it is the same ol' every day. Same routine. Same view. Same shows. Same music. Same people. I have no variety. I can 't experience any of the things I used to and I don't know how I'll adapt. It's pretty obvious I haven't yet. Since I've been under seige there has been nothing I have accomplished, least not rewarding. I keep trying. The attacks don't stay away long enough for me to complete anything. Then by the time the cycle is over I have so many other things that need to be done that weren't done during my cycle, like basic chores. I need to do something that I feel good about. That will be rewarding & help me do something I haven't done in


Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.
-Arnold Bennett



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Medical terminology can cause confusion at the best of times. If there is a word you do not understand all you have to do is double-click on it and the definition will appear! Don't forget to drop me a line by email at with your comments, questions‚ recommended resources‚ concerns‚ & especially your experiences with clusters. Or come find me on my Facebook Profile to add me as a Friend. Whether you are a supporter‚ care-giver or sufferer. I would love to hear from you!

*Please do not use this information for self diagnoses. Writing about my experiences with chronic cluster headaches & epilepsy is a good outlet for me. Consult your Dr. with any kind of headache or chronic pain you may have. The 3rd party links on my site I have found to be a good resource to me over the past few years & dearly hope they will benefit you as well.*

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