A ClusterHead's Life

I wanted to post tonight but blogspot in being a pain in the arse. For a site owned by Google accessing it can be a problem sometimes. So I'll have to type it some where else. Bastards:) So lately I have been changing a few things to my website, mainly ads.

Wish I didn't have to do that but it would seem they are a necessary evil. Sites look far better without them. Maybe if I scrounge up enough money I can buy my own domain & find some place reasonable to host it. This is if I can get the ads to work properly. The ones on the sidebar show up in both Firefox & Internet Explorer. But there is one other just under my header that only wants to show up with Firefox. If Firefox were the browser of choice for everyone, which it is well on its way to doing, I wouldn't care. However, there are people out there who still use Explorer despite the superior options. Head on over to Mozilla.org & download yourself a copy. You won't regret it!

Anyways, tonight I thought I would talk about my daughter. She is 5 years old & I haven't been able to see her in almost three years now. Far too long for any parent to be without their child. I miss her oodles & oodles(Can a dad say oodles?:). The headache of going through court when there is no need to completely bewilders me. Courts have only ever done one thing in a custody case & that is Harm the child! Parents are so fixed on treating their child(ren) as if they are a sofa. With the time it takes to get anywhere & the complete un-enforceability of court orders makes the whole thing completely asinine. Here is a loose instance that happened to me on more than a few occasions. I go to pick up my daughter & she is not where she is suppose to be, like at the court order meeting place for the court order time arrangements. Now I was told by another individual who lived there that her mother decided she want to raise her herself. Fine & dandy if I want out of her life. But I don't. So now I phone the police & was told there was nothing they could or would do. Apparently they don't like to get involve in these sorts of problems. But if it was a restraining order or a speed trap maybe I would have some co-operation. So my next step is to re-apply to the court for the I don't know how many times now & wait to the next respective court date which is usually 8 weeks at the bare minimum but it more likely 12-28 weeks. Here is the kicker. In the time I am waiting to go back to court, her mother does not have to let me see my daughter despite previous orders. WTF? Did I miss something? What is the point of going if they are going to be repeatedly broken weeks after they are signed & won't be enforced? Luggage has more rights in family court. Is that a ridiculous reality or what? Especially since there has never been any reason to not allow access other than willful pettiness.

I have never understood how parents can't put their kids first in life. Sometimes I shake my head & scream "what the f&*k? Do you know what you are missing out on?" when I see that. Of course they don't. Usually too self absorbed to listen or care.
Those types are never wrong & in their mind are the ideal parents, as long as raising a child is convenient in their lives of course. One saying I have always said is "If you think your mature enough to have sex, you better be mature enough to raise a child". And I know the arguments. "There is no manual for being a parent"(duh! though I sometimes wonder if there should at least be a test) or "I'm doing it for them"(most kids just want their parents around & not to be raised by the tv or babysitters). There are tonnes more out there of course. Basically they will say what gives them enough comfort to sleep at night, mainly because they are nudging someone else to see why the baby is awake. Without a doubt there are few things harder, frustrating or exhausting to do. But the rewards far out weigh any of that, least in my eyes & experience.

My sister has got me thinking about them again. She would have to go & get pregnant again:)Being a dad is great. I would love to be a full time dad. I always used to say that. I still think that way. But with clusters I know it won't be possible. I want to be a dad again but first I need to be a father to my daughter. When that situation is sorted out & resolved then I can think about more. Maybe 2 more of each:)

I am hoping that my clusters will give me some time to do and find the paperwork to go back to court. I need to show finances, dr.'s notes, letters, reports, possible outcomes, what I can manage & on & on. Boy the courts get personal. Plus I need to find out who is representing her, if any one. Thn I'm going to have one huge headache till this is over. It'll be worth it. I'll get my baby back:)

Paul

ps can you tell I wrote this when being exhausted?
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