Depressing

Saturday, September 09, 2006


Attack cycles are always the worst right after a sustained pain-free period. It does not matter really how long the break is. As soon as my mind #& body become euphoric or comfortable with a life of 8 continuous hours of sleep and no more "hot poker in the eye" sensation, the excruciating cycle hits me. Most likely the bout is no more intense than the rest of them but my body has seemingly forgot how to cope with this level of pain on a daily basis. Eventually I am able to adjust physically. Mentally, however, take a bit longer.

The possibility of being one of the fortunate few who's' cluster headaches end for no apparent reason was without question at the back of my mind. It slipped to the front every now and again but for the most part I am a realist but still it can't hurt to hope for the best.

I enjoyed myself for the 3 weeks of 'vacation'. During which time I became fully aware of just how miserable this disorder has caused me to become as well as its affect on others around me. It is hard to think of life in-depth when the mind is clouded from the effects of each attack. The short and shallow thoughts of the moment are all that consume me. For instance, Do I have enough ice-packs ready? Is there anything in the current environment that can intensify or trigger an attack? Etc etc.

Unfortunately when someone has a disabilitating disease or disorder that has no effect treatment as in my case, I am non-responsive(my body that is) to the usually course of treatments. My doctors conceded(after several years) that there is little that can be done for the ailment itself and now the focus should be on increasing my quality of life. This approach has helped me out quite. If it was not for this change of approach I would not be able to write this blog, talk to people or be able to go shopping just to name a few instances which clusters have affected my life. So there is hope. My life has been greatly altered by them but with the right goals one can still have a life.

Paul

"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."
-Oscar Wilde

5 comments

5 Comments:

I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you.

By Anonymous Kerrie, at 9 September 2006 at 11:32  

Thanks for the support Kerrie. It is a very welcomed gesture.

Paul

By Blogger Versilleus, at 9 September 2006 at 12:56  

ohhh, I was so hoping you were one of the ones that it ended for too! But you are right, the correct outlook on life, does make a differnce doesn't it??

By Blogger Jackie, at 13 September 2006 at 16:40  

Hey Paul, and I thought I was the only one that suffered from these excruciating headaches ... nobody in South Africa seems to know what I am talking about when I mention "cluster headache", and I was diagnosed more than 20 years ago ... hectic! So all I do is not mention them anymore! All I can say is you have my sympathy and empathy ...hang in there!! By the way LOVE the drawing ... exactly what it feels lik! Take care ...love 'n light Billi

By Blogger billi, at 15 September 2006 at 16:45  

Hi Paul,

I get clusters and have mostly ended them with mushrooms. Don't know if you have tried but works better than anything else for me.
I am endlessly thankful for the internet since the medical community failed me greatly -- the doctors even refused to diagnose me as having clusters.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 15 September 2006 at 17:29  

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Medical terminology can cause confusion at the best of times. If there is a word you do not understand all you have to do is double-click on it and the definition will appear! Don't forget to drop me a line by email at versilleus@gmail.com with your comments, questions‚ recommended resources‚ concerns‚ & especially your experiences with clusters. Or come find me on my Facebook Profile to add me as a Friend. Whether you are a supporter‚ care-giver or sufferer. I would love to hear from you!

*Please do not use this information for self diagnoses. Writing about my experiences with chronic cluster headaches & epilepsy is a good outlet for me. Consult your Dr. with any kind of headache or chronic pain you may have. The 3rd party links on my site I have found to be a good resource to me over the past few years & dearly hope they will benefit you as well.*


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