The Guilt of the After Days
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
The plans for the past long weekend were all canceled much to the chagrin of Mindy and myself. Every night we made new arrangements for the following day but even that was too far in advance. Making plans and consistently being canceled again and again because of the these blasted clusters is not fair, to anyone. This is generally the cause much of the guilt. The guilt I feel is not for what I miss through life, though that is part of it, but to how those around me are affected because of the instability of the when, where or how an attack hits. Thus, ruining even the best of days. Each time I have to say that I need to leave before the pain makes a bad situation completely outwardly unmanageable gets harder and harder.
As the situation is now I hold no ill will towards someone who decides to cancel plans with me to go elsewhere because they would much rather have a guaranteed time out . The odds of the original plan being kept are less than 25% . This is in the summer when cycles and pain are at their least for myself. The other 3 seasons have an even higher chance of being canceled.
True friends, family, and supporters are the most important treatment for a cluster headache sufferer(IMO). Without them who knows just how well sufferers would do over the years.
If I had to sum up Friendship in one word, it would be Comfort.
Hope you're doing better soon. I, too, know the guilt, and boy does it suck out loud. Don't be too hard on yourself; I know, easier said than done. But I've been there so I can relate. We are definitely harder on ourselves than anyone else, as far as the guilt goes anyway.
*Please do not use this information for self diagnoses. Writing about my experiences with chronic cluster headaches & epilepsy is a good outlet for me. Consult your Dr. with any kind of headache or chronic pain you may have. The 3rd party links on my site I have found to be a good resource to me over the past few years & dearly hope they will benefit you as well.*