Ever Wonder ?
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Now most of the people who were in my life when my hell began are, for the most part, are no longer in my life. Some say that 'if they truly cared they would not have left'. Now in some cases this is likely to be true. But in others, who could blame them? Could you handle seeing someone you cared about being repeatedly tortured day after day? No matter how much one cares the nature or the beast will break them down over time.
How would I have spent the last 7-8 years? Would I have continued to work in the fields of computer security, programming or networking? Or maybe I changed careers all together. How are about back packing across Europe or the world for the matter. Would I have been happily married by now? Have more kids? Or go down the path of a 'Lone wolf'? I still can do these things but it would take a very special someone to do that. Maybe one day I will be able to continue on with a life without over-powering pain till then I will just have to grasp hold of the good moments.
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
OMG, the part of your post about people leaving your life is what terrifies me with these headaches. My partner has pulled away from me in the past, and we talked and she stoped the withdrawal. I wonder how long she can take it. I'm seven months now into this cycle, taking seven different medications, using shots, oxygen, nasal spray, and narcotics just to live my life...but I feel my life slipping away as I deal with this daily.
About three years ago, I also went through this cycle. I stumbled across your cite about a year ago. You have gone and are going down the same path I have. I went a whole year of not knowing when it would stop. I was on narcotic after narcotic, sprays, etc. I tried all of the triptan (i.e. Immitrex, frova, maxalt) meds on the market, they all failed on me.
The "beast" you describe is unruly and can also take on an ugly head on our part. When we are in pain we can be not so nice. If it were'nt for the patience (on my husbands part) and communication in my marriage, I would hate to see where it would be.
I also went to a younger doc. specializing in Migraines who thought that my past history was not necessary. I lost 20% of my body weight in 1 month and I didnt have all that to lose (119-to begin with). I got off all meds immediately. Yes at first it was extremely painful, but it detoxed out. I then was able to start from scratch, with a more experienced doc.
Keep in mind that narcotic and opiates cause rebound migraines worse than the ones you treat. I appologize for that being long.
*Please do not use this information for self diagnoses. Writing about my experiences with chronic cluster headaches & epilepsy is a good outlet for me. Consult your Dr. with any kind of headache or chronic pain you may have. The 3rd party links on my site I have found to be a good resource to me over the past few years & dearly hope they will benefit you as well.*