The Guilt of the After Days

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

After a really bad attack, guilt plagues me like a rock in the middle of a fast moving stream. Every so often I have a chance to breathe but for the most part I am drowning. The guilt can be as bad as the cycle. This past weekend was spent in my room cuddling with multiple ice packs.

The plans for the past long weekend were all canceled much to the chagrin of Mindy and myself. Every night we made new arrangements for the following day but even that was too far in advance. Making plans and consistently being canceled again and again because of the these blasted clusters is not fair, to anyone. This is generally the cause much of the guilt. The guilt I feel is not for what I miss through life, though that is part of it, but to how those around me are affected because of the instability of the when, where or how an attack hits. Thus, ruining even the best of days. Each time I have to say that I need to leave before the pain makes a bad situation completely outwardly unmanageable gets harder and harder.

As the situation is now I hold no ill will towards someone who decides to cancel plans with me to go elsewhere because they would much rather have a guaranteed time out . The odds of the original plan being kept are less than 25% . This is in the summer when cycles and pain are at their least for myself. The other 3 seasons have an even higher chance of being canceled.

True friends, family, and supporters are the most important treatment for a cluster headache sufferer(IMO). Without them who knows just how well sufferers would do over the years.


If I had to sum up Friendship in one word, it would be Comfort.
-Adabella Radici

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Hope you're doing better soon. I, too, know the guilt, and boy does it suck out loud. Don't be too hard on yourself; I know, easier said than done. But I've been there so I can relate. We are definitely harder on ourselves than anyone else, as far as the guilt goes anyway.

By Blogger deborah, at 9 August 2007 at 12:45  

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Medical terminology can cause confusion at the best of times. If there is a word you do not understand all you have to do is double-click on it and the definition will appear! Don't forget to drop me a line by email at with your comments, questions‚ recommended resources‚ concerns‚ & especially your experiences with clusters. Or come find me on my Facebook Profile to add me as a Friend. Whether you are a supporter‚ care-giver or sufferer. I would love to hear from you!

*Please do not use this information for self diagnoses. Writing about my experiences with chronic cluster headaches & epilepsy is a good outlet for me. Consult your Dr. with any kind of headache or chronic pain you may have. The 3rd party links on my site I have found to be a good resource to me over the past few years & dearly hope they will benefit you as well.*

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